HavenStone Kingdoms

The Cat speaks!

What kind of a village doesn’t have a decent tailor? What kind of evil make them not have a TAILOR in the first place? I tell ya, me dear diary, the sooner I get to a good tailor the better. Sure, I look mighty fine in the clothes I have, but still… one suit can only go so far. I need more. to show off all me various aspects. Especially the bow&arrow. I’m a dive with the bow&arrow.

Now. This sorry excuse for a village doesn’t have a tailor. and no men either. And no kids, now that the tosspots we drove off earlier has taken them away. So it’s a village with only women. And my socalled “comrades” wanted to leave these 168 poor defenceless 18-23 year old women to fend for themselves and such, while the wasted their lives.

Well, not THIS Cat. I volunteered to stay and have se-he-herm…. to stay and see to their safety while the numpties followed the tosspots to the tower of the adder, or somesuch. That’s when this young Magic Maiden came and told me about all the fine clothes they have over there at the Adder Tower, the silver lined trousers, the gold lined shirts… and the ruby studded hats. WOW!!!! I’ll look AH- MAY- ZING!!!!! in such an outfit. So I followed the numpties so I could save their sorry behinds with my bow&arrow again. Did I say I’m a dive with the bow&arrow?

So… anyroads. We pushed on through the night after the tosspots, and we eventually stumbled upon their campsite. Well, the OTHERS stumbled, as I, of course, always keep me eyes peeled and me nose sharp. And I’m a good listener. And so I found the camp. Of course I did. Now… the Magic Maiden… Gwenda Gwanda or whatever her name was, she didn’t have a clue about clothes and style, so I quickly dismissed her name. Anyways, she had this magical spell and she used it. the camp of the tosspots fell asleep. Although, I’m sure that was because of them drinking too much rather than any “magic” on her side. But I kept that to meself, as none of the others seemed to detect the incredibly strong smell of wine on any of the tosspots.

The Barmy Army struck genius again, when they discovered they would be able to manage to kill the tosspots while the tosspots were sleeping off their drunken stupor. I thought to myself, “thank everything that is good in the world that these guys are only in charge of their own pair of socks” because that is how bright they are. Now, they’re a good bunch and we do have a laugh and such…. but none of them have a clue about fashion. And none of them have my body to REALLY show them clothes off with, either.

Well, in any case, while the numpties did the brave thing of killing sleeping tosspots, I snuck into their tent and had a look around. There was little of interest, but I found a small chest of sorts. Inside it was a massive lump of some pretty looking metallic-y thing, I stuffed that away in me cloak. There was also fairly dull-ish yellow scarf in there, and my first thought was to the Magic Maiden, if she tied this around her waist like a belt, then that would make her figure stand out more and and the slimmer looking waistline should distract from her hands… which she uses for those overly complicated mumbo jumbo movements of hers when she’s… uhm… “casting a spell” as she calls it. Well.. I’ll allow her to think that her “magic” is real…. hopefully she’ll wake up to reality.

Other than that, she’s a very nice girl though. If only she could get the notion of “magic” out of her head….

Well.. somehow, we rescued two kids from the tosspots, but apparently there was two more in the prison wagon. We followed the tracks, and soon enough we managed to catch up with it. Thfirion (that’s an Elven fella, following Arcane Panties… whatever that is…..) went on the left side of the road, and I on the right, both of us just behind the treeline on the side of the road so we would be mostly unseen until we loosened hell with our bow&arrows. What happened was, obviously, I let it rain death, while the Arcane Panty master got confused about what way the arrows were supposed to point…. and what way the bow was supposed to be, as well….

Well.. somehow, we rescued two kids from the tosspots, but apparently there was two more in the prison wagon. We followed the tracks, and soon enough we managed to catch up with it. Thfirion (that’s an Elven fella, following Arcane Panties… whatever that is…..) went on the left side of the road, and I on the right, both of us just behind the treeline on the side of the road so we would be mostly unseen until we loosened hell with our bow&arrows. What happened was, obviously, I let it rain death, while the Arcane Panty master got confused about what way the arrows were supposed to point…. and what way the bow was supposed to be, as well….I slayed at least three tosspots before they even had a clue what was happening, and then I slew at least three more before they had ran up to me and I had to switch out the bow&arrow for the short sword. Again, my blade dealt as much death as me arrows had, and soon the tosspots was retreating in terror. Although, not before one of them got in a lucky shot with a thrown stone that hit me on me head and knocked me out.

Well.. somehow, we rescued two kids from the tosspots, but apparently there was two more in the prison wagon. We followed the tracks, and soon enough we managed to catch up with it. Thfirion (that’s an Elven fella, following Arcane Panties… whatever that is…..) went on the left side of the road, and I on the right, both of us just behind the treeline on the side of the road so we would be mostly unseen until we loosened hell with our bow&arrows. What happened was, obviously, I let it rain death, while the Arcane Panty master got confused about what way the arrows were supposed to point…. and what way the bow was supposed to be, as well….I slayed at least three tosspots before they even had a clue what was happening, and then I slew at least three more before they had ran up to me and I had to switch out the bow&arrow for the short sword. Again, my blade dealt as much death as me arrows had, and soon the tosspots was retreating in terror. Although, not before one of them got in a lucky shot with a thrown stone that hit me on me head and knocked me out.I don’t remember what happened next, only that I woke up with the the Magic Maidens’ worried face above me. I think she might have a crush on me already, and I can’t say I blame her… I mean… Seriously… My bum in THESE pants??? That’s enough to make a straight GUY have a crush on me.

Well.. somehow, we rescued two kids from the tosspots, but apparently there was two more in the prison wagon. We followed the tracks, and soon enough we managed to catch up with it. Thfirion (that’s an Elven fella, following Arcane Panties… whatever that is…..) went on the left side of the road, and I on the right, both of us just behind the treeline on the side of the road so we would be mostly unseen until we loosened hell with our bow&arrows. What happened was, obviously, I let it rain death, while the Arcane Panty master got confused about what way the arrows were supposed to point…. and what way the bow was supposed to be, as well….I slayed at least three tosspots before they even had a clue what was happening, and then I slew at least three more before they had ran up to me and I had to switch out the bow&arrow for the short sword. Again, my blade dealt as much death as me arrows had, and soon the tosspots was retreating in terror. Although, not before one of them got in a lucky shot with a thrown stone that hit me on me head and knocked me out.I don’t remember what happened next, only that I woke up with the the Magic Maidens’ worried face above me. I think she might have a crush on me already, and I can’t say I blame her… I mean… Seriously… My bum in THESE pants??? That’s enough to make a straight GUY have a crush on me.— Excerpts from the diaries of Danny “Cat” JayJay

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The_EvilDM

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