I write this so that the reader will be able to tell my family what happen to me so they will know who to blame.
It all started with a wagon full of smelly fish. Why did I have to say, “I want to go out and see the world.”? I now understand why my father smirked when he said he found the perfect job to let me see the world.
We were set upon by bandits, they killed out boss, I of course fought with great gusto and bravado as every great dwarf should.
He caught one of the filthy vermin, only to have him escape later thanks to our good cleric, but that is another story. After the attack we pressed on using our Johnny come lately Elf who claimed to have “over slept”. I mean really? Have you ever known of an elf that slept much less over slept? I think he was up to something and it was not sleeping. Can you believe he would not even give us her name? Of all the low down..But I digress.
So the Elf ohh fancy pants spots some smoke so we go and investigate. Turns out its more bandits but these guys are killing folks and stealing kids!! So I come up with this brilliant idea if I do say so myself only to have ole Fancy pants and Father cant tie a knot go all hide and seek.
You see my plan was to build these fires to make it look like the army from Falcon the next city over done come up on the scene and was looking to dish out some sharp ended justice so to make the kid stealers give up to us and every body comes away smelling like Aunt Coal’s Perfume. BUT NOOOOO. I look up and ole fancy pants and the cleric have vanished with out so much as a kiss my foot.
So I start lighting the fires cause this is too good of a plan and we done worked too hard to build the dang thangs. So when I get to the last of the bon fires who do I spot but cat our theif.ummm I mean our scout. It seems he also done made up his own plan and it was to pick a fight with the lot of em. I have to say that was a very drunken dwarf plan, that is to say not that bad, but still he up pe’ed in my beer mug with his do’ings he did. So I had to help him. Cant stand to see a lil’ guy like that get picked on by a bunch of them stupid hairy legged humans.
We fought em off, only to find out ole fancy pants talked some robe wearing weirdo into taking the kids they done put in a cage and running away. Just who’s side is fancy pants on anyway? To top things off the cleric helped him! But then again the cleric is pretty handy with that mace of his. We sold the fish to the villagers got our pay and sent the rest back to Tony’s family. That was our boss that got killed in the start of the whole thing.
Now we got to lick our wounds, and get ready to clean up ole fancy pants mess. Got to get the kids back. I wonder if he will “over sleep” this time too?
Whelp that’s all fur now. If your reading this it means I am dead. If you see my brother Crazy Ivan over at the Falling Orange Griffon give em this. I’m sure it will mean you get a free mug.