It’s been a tough day. Firstly, I had to run in circles around the stupid wagon with smelly fish in it all day, to try and catch the fish-robberers off guard, as our employer put it. What a cheapskate that bugger was.
So. I then see a badly hidden trap, and I hooted like an eagle to warn the others, some 50 meters behind. At least, I think and eagle would hoot like I did…. Anyroads. I decided to sneak around some bushes and other junk, and there I am sure I saw something. So I fired an arrow at it. No idea if I hit or missed, I lost sight of the thing.
So I snuck back to the wagon and told them what I’ve seen up ahead, and they didn’t believe me. Maybe I’ve told a few to many jokes about there being an army of ogres waiting for us? I don’t know. They didn’t believe me anyways. Not until they saw for themselves and we were attacked. Well… I got an arrow in me head or something… something knocked me unconscious anyways…. our “employer” (more like slavedriver, for the amount he paid) forced some horrible liquid down me throat, and I woke up. So I grabbed me trusty bow and arrows, and fired as rapidly as I could towards the bandits, slaying many of them. My fellow “guards” slayed a fair lot of tossers as well. However, the slaver dies as well… so before the others could come around, I grabbed the money he had, plus two horrible smelling potions of some kind.
Looking around and ransacking some of the bodies I had slain with my shortbow and arrows, I gained 2 crystal pieces, and a shortsword which I think might come in handy in situations where I can’t use me bow.
With the slaver dead, we took it upon ourselves to get the fish to the town and sell it. The others wanted to just take the money we were promised and leave the rest to the slavers wife, while I wanted to buy three or four nice suits. I was sadly outvoted. And I’m not happy about not being able to buy meself some suits yet.
We drove on, and noticed smoke from ahead of the road. The guys left to investigate and took off into the forest. I then snuck around myself, bow at the ready, I’m usually a fair shot with the bow, so I thought I should play a trick on the other slaves… errm, guards. My new comrades. Whatever.
So I snuck around, and I heard the others whispering and trampling around in the underbush, so I went further ahead and as quietly as I could. I saw about a dozen of tossers and their lead tosser ganging up on some defenceless women and children. Saw I fired an arrow at the one I thought would be the lead tosser. Somehow, I managed to miss the shot. Probably a breath of wind I failed to recognise as I took aim. Bugger. Me cover was almost lost now, but I backed as silently into the woods as I could before firing another arrow. And another. And then I almost stumbled backwards over the grumpy one… I mean, the Dwarf. Harumph something something, I think he’s called. By that time, the tossers had found me so I had to switch weapon to the sword, and I totally kicked backside. Blood gore and bodyparts were hailing around me as I slew tosser after tosser with the sword, they were so many it was a good thing the dwarf was behind me to keep me upright as my arm were going like a windmill at full storm.
Obviously, some of them tossers thought it better to live to be slayed another day and too a hike. But I had already slain so many of their numbers, the rest of them would be easy peasy fishing squeezy.
So. The others went up to the women and talked to them, and guess what… NOW they want to go after the tossers, abandon the fish, and do some silly heroics for these women instead. Yeah right…. As if any of them have a chance with them girls anyways, just LOOK at my bum in these trousers!!!!
— excerpt from the diaries of Danny “the Cat”